You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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