help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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