The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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