wrigley field is MILF paradise
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
