But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
