I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
