I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
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I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
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There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
did you just send me my own nude
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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