and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
