Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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