As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.