did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
