Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
