im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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