Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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