I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
