Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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