he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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