You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
