Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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