If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
