Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
