I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Hippo gnu deer
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
