If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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