I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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