Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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