Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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