we have officially mastered the walk of shame
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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