you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
