life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The beer is more important than you right now.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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