At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
