I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
