I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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