Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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