I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
