The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
