By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Randomize
