I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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