Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
