On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
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I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
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Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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