We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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