i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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