So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
