There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize