I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
