I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
