Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
