I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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