Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
