i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
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