Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
