on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
