allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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