I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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