We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
