i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
