She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
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any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
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I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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