ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
