I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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