I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
