I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
did you just send me my own nude
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize