He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
