I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The air was thick with penises
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
