I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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