dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
