Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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