So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
