I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize