What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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