sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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