I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My cat gives me a boner
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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