last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
