Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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