My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
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