So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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