8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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