Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
