I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
