I'm so fucking centered right now
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
