you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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