The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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