I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
