I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize