There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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