Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
