i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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